Saturday, June 10, 2006
Friday, April 21, 2006
Uber Booger
A strange side-effectThe night before last, I'm in charge of Orion's night-night ritual. Includes: bath, potty attempt, jammies, stories, last drink of water, etc.He's on his potty seat, and I blow my nose into some TP. As I blow I notice a booger bubble form. I expect that as usual it will pop almost as soon as I cease exhaling or perhaps as I pull the TP away from my nose.However, mysteriously, it does not. At arms' length I'm looking at the booger bubble resting on top of the TP. It's 3" across. It has a most unusual durability to it. Seconds are passing. It does not seem to be withering from even a small leak. The membrane looks PRETERNATURAL. I recall both Super Elastic Bubble Plastic from my childhood and Alien.I show it to Orion. He flinches. Good instinct, that. "No," he says, "I don't."I think about finding a clock or timer. More than a minute has gone by probably, but since my heart has been racing and I haven't been breathing normally I can't tell.I set the TP with booger bubble down on the edge of the sink. It stays the same but wobbles briefly."What have I been eating?" I ask rhetorically. The wheels turn and click audibly. "Egg salad," I answer myself."Daddy eat Egg salad," says Orion. Yup. Eggs are ALBUMINOUS. I have given birth to the UBER BUBBLE after a 3-day diet of egg salad and lattes.Then the front door opens, so Orion sprints out exclaiming, "There's Mommy!"I stand so I can see her but still keep an eye on the booger bubble."Do you want to see something really scary?" I ask, indicating with my eyes that it's in the bathroom.She's not sure if she does, knowing me."Okay, it's a booger, but you've got to be quick!" I tell her. Why torment her with her own imagination of possible scary bathroom objects or entities? Millipedes juggling bloody poops? Spiders giving bound flies golden showers?She looks. She's suitably astonished. I drop it in the toilet. It floats, of course."It was the egg salad," I tell her, like it was my plan all along.Now perhaps I will 'Go Mental' every time I smell egg salad.
Uber Booger
A strange side-effectThe night before last, I'm in charge of Orion's night-night ritual. Includes: bath, potty attempt, jammies, stories, last drink of water, etc.He's on his potty seat, and I blow my nose into some TP. As I blow I notice a booger bubble form. I expect that as usual it will pop almost as soon as I cease exhaling or perhaps as I pull the TP away from my nose.However, mysteriously, it does not. At arms' length I'm looking at the booger bubble resting on top of the TP. It's 3" across. It has a most unusual durability to it. Seconds are passing. It does not seem to be withering from even a small leak. The membrane looks PRETERNATURAL. I recall both Super Elastic Bubble Plastic from my childhood and Alien.I show it to Orion. He flinches. Good instinct, that. "No," he says, "I don't."I think about finding a clock or timer. More than a minute has gone by probably, but since my heart has been racing and I haven't been breathing normally I can't tell.I set the TP with booger bubble down on the edge of the sink. It stays the same but wobbles briefly."What have I been eating?" I ask rhetorically. The wheels turn and click audibly. "Egg salad," I answer myself."Daddy eat Egg salad," says Orion. Yup. Eggs are ALBUMINOUS. I have given birth to the UBER BUBBLE after a 3-day diet of egg salad and lattes.Then the front door opens, so Orion sprints out exclaiming, "There's Mommy!"I stand so I can see her but still keep an eye on the booger bubble."Do you want to see something really scary?" I ask, indicating with my eyes that it's in the bathroom.She's not sure if she does, knowing me."Okay, it's a booger, but you've got to be quick!" I tell her. Why torment her with her own imagination of possible scary bathroom objects or entities? Millipedes juggling bloody poops? Spiders giving bound flies golden showers?She looks. She's suitably astonished. I drop it in the toilet. It floats, of course."It was the egg salad," I tell her, like it was my plan all along.Now perhaps I will 'Go Mental' every time I smell egg salad.
// posted by daddy @ 8:42 AM 
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
